Q. Everywhere I look, I see books about how to make myself "better" (thinner, happier, smarter) than I am right now. They are helpful to a point, but they're also overwhelming. They almost give me the sense that I'll never be good enough, that I'll never be finished improving. Do I really have to keep striving for perfection? Is it endless?
--Rachel T., Houston, Texas

A. "Self-help" is an industry, and so it must continually offer new insights -- and products. But that doesn't make it evil. As in any industry, there are good resources and not-so-good ones. It's up to us to decide which messages to apply to our own lives.

When you come at self-help desperately -- grasping, filling yourself up, trying to permanently change yourself -- you'll never be satisfied. You'll become like an addict, always searching for "it," always needing a fix. Your misunderstanding, as I see it, is in clinging to the belief that you "get there" when you're thin enough or meditate deeply enough or express yourself creatively enough. That's a myth. I have news for you: There simply is no "there."

In truth, it's only when we stop hurling ourselves into an idealized future that we can find what we're searching for. Consider the perennial tenet of most spiritual teachings: An infinite, unchanging reality resides at the core of every being. To experience this reality is to know that we are divine. Sometimes we fall into the trap of believing that we can only feel whole after we've done the dishes, worked out at our target heart rate for 32.7 minutes, and mastered nonviolent communication. Try this instead: Accept whatever is unfolding, whatever you're feeling, right now. Your ability to find you and appreciate you, as you are, resides in this moment.

When we get good at staying present, we stop striving. Then self-improvement becomes an ongoing game -- fun, often educational, and always utterly fascinating to play.

Author, creative catalyst, and coach Jennifer Louden leads retreats around the United States. She has written six books about creating a life you love, including her newest, "The Life Organizer." You can learn more at lifeorganizerbook.com. If you have questions about life issues such as finding balance, managing time, or handling difficult personal relationships, email them to jennifer@bodyandsoulmag.com.