You can see it now: your combative Aunt Barb cornering you at a family get-together, your squinty-eyed sister-in-law calling your personal life into question over pumpkin pie. 'Tis the season for family fetes and festivities -- and the increased potential for feuds. 

Whereas you can limit your interactions the rest of the year, come holiday time, there's simply nowhere to hide. Throw in a little extra tension (thanks to all the shopping, cooking, and traveling) plus a pinch of unnaturally high expectations about how the day "should" go, and you've got the recipe for a miserable time. 

Of course, not everyone dreads gathering with the relatives. But most Americans experience significant tension at one or more family events each year -- with Thanksgiving chief among them, says psychologist Leonard Felder, author of "When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People." 

In a random sample of more than 1,350 people, Felder found that 75 percent had at least one family member who gets on their nerves. Chances are, you know just who that is in your clan: the one who's going to make a careless comment when you walk in the door, or drink too much at dinner, or end up in tears by dessert. 

"Most people face the holidays with mixed emotions, which can include feeling trapped and coerced," says Cheryl Dellasega, author of "Forced to Be Family." But if you can change the way you perceive and navigate the event, you'll set yourself up for a considerably more positive experience. This doesn't mean you have to grin and bear it, or leave another meal with your neck veins bulging. Arm yourself with the following strategies and face the holidays head on -- while maintaining a Zen-like cool. 

Shift Your Expectations
If your idea of a perfect holiday is one in which everyone laughs, gets along, and clasps hands for a round of "Kumbaya," then no wonder you leave disappointed. Felder's suggestion? Set different goals. 

"Maybe last year you had five good minutes out of a three-hour visit when you connected with a difficult or complicated family member," he says. "This year, aim for 10 good minutes. That's a 100 percent improvement." Maybe your intention is to laugh a little more, breathe a little easier, or say a few kind words to even the most challenging relative. Set reasonable goals and you won't feel let down.